I'm really giving up. It's tiring and confusing if you allow too many voices to get up your brain. You care, you get involved, feelings are invested, time wasted in the end because ultimately in the end, people are indeed the master of their own fate.
If you're determined to let people see you as a victim, YOU ARE A VICTIM. You can give excuses till the day you die and still be the victim and nothing would have changed. If you want to to continue the sweet dream of people reassuring your role as the victim, how everyone else are villains and how unfortunate you've been mistreated and restricted by everything in the world, go ahead and live in that sweet insanity. You deny. I back off. If people who say realistic things to you are enemies, better just ignore them and continue living you life as you wish.
I don't have a damn right to change you but I care enough. I'm not perfect, but I made enough mistakes to know what works and what doesn't.
Just something to ponder about-
Why do you think I'm studying investments and business on the side? Why am I so tight with my money that I am willing to eat microwaved food (even though cancer is my biggest fear) everyday to stinge on a few dollars a day? Why am I learning real estate and surveying the property market in Malaysia and learning all I can from a conveyancing firm that I swore that office life sitting in front of a computer for 8 hours everyday would be the end of me?
Why am I doing all the things I believed I hated?
Very simply because of the dream of the successful restaurant decorated with my art and moving out of this hellhole once and for all. Not just any dream, but a joint dream.
"Nobody asked you to do it in the first place."
True. Nobody asked.
I don't deserve this kind of gratefulness and appreciation. In fact, I didn't expect any. It is unfair, unreasonable, mean and immature to say such words.
I can tell you very honestly, I love my siblings. But if they grew up to be losers, I will have nothing to do with them. Because when I try to help them I would think, "Nobody asked."
Their sister can only look after them so much and she has her own life to live, even if it means opening her art gallery solo.
Maybe you don't mean the things you said and maybe I misunderstood certain things. I was more wtfbbq than hurt. 'Hurt' is an overused word in this house. I don't have that much of a 'care' capacity to take every word as an offense. I don't give a shit about drama and petty mind games either. It's overrated, wastes my time and I wanna wake up going to work happy.
I also want to take this opportunity to say while you insist for people to listen attentively to you and sympathize, you do the same for me by changing subjects, ignoring me or snapping at me 95% of the time. Yes you talk crap, you don't mean it, joking, not thinking straight, whatever. At least, choose a better time when we're mutually in a chiko-ing mood.
About being sensitive. I care as much about the issue as if it were my own problem. We are standing on the same side facing the problem. The problem is the enemy and I am attacking the problem. But you jump in to 'protect' the problem and take the damage and assume I was attacking you.
About being defensive. I am defending us both, but you yourself ran to the enemy side and got hit on its behalf again.
Do you now see what went wrong from a heart to heart talk to some wtfbbq fight?
I won't justify myself for hurting you. I never intended it in a mean way to demoralize you or make you feel stupid, useless and unheard. It was a failure on my part.
I respect enough that your life is your own responsibility and your timing is yours.
If you're determined to let people see you as a victim, YOU ARE A VICTIM. You can give excuses till the day you die and still be the victim and nothing would have changed. If you want to to continue the sweet dream of people reassuring your role as the victim, how everyone else are villains and how unfortunate you've been mistreated and restricted by everything in the world, go ahead and live in that sweet insanity. You deny. I back off. If people who say realistic things to you are enemies, better just ignore them and continue living you life as you wish.
I don't have a damn right to change you but I care enough. I'm not perfect, but I made enough mistakes to know what works and what doesn't.
Just something to ponder about-
Why do you think I'm studying investments and business on the side? Why am I so tight with my money that I am willing to eat microwaved food (even though cancer is my biggest fear) everyday to stinge on a few dollars a day? Why am I learning real estate and surveying the property market in Malaysia and learning all I can from a conveyancing firm that I swore that office life sitting in front of a computer for 8 hours everyday would be the end of me?
Why am I doing all the things I believed I hated?
Very simply because of the dream of the successful restaurant decorated with my art and moving out of this hellhole once and for all. Not just any dream, but a joint dream.
"Nobody asked you to do it in the first place."
True. Nobody asked.
I don't deserve this kind of gratefulness and appreciation. In fact, I didn't expect any. It is unfair, unreasonable, mean and immature to say such words.
I can tell you very honestly, I love my siblings. But if they grew up to be losers, I will have nothing to do with them. Because when I try to help them I would think, "Nobody asked."
Their sister can only look after them so much and she has her own life to live, even if it means opening her art gallery solo.
Maybe you don't mean the things you said and maybe I misunderstood certain things. I was more wtfbbq than hurt. 'Hurt' is an overused word in this house. I don't have that much of a 'care' capacity to take every word as an offense. I don't give a shit about drama and petty mind games either. It's overrated, wastes my time and I wanna wake up going to work happy.
I also want to take this opportunity to say while you insist for people to listen attentively to you and sympathize, you do the same for me by changing subjects, ignoring me or snapping at me 95% of the time. Yes you talk crap, you don't mean it, joking, not thinking straight, whatever. At least, choose a better time when we're mutually in a chiko-ing mood.
About being sensitive. I care as much about the issue as if it were my own problem. We are standing on the same side facing the problem. The problem is the enemy and I am attacking the problem. But you jump in to 'protect' the problem and take the damage and assume I was attacking you.
About being defensive. I am defending us both, but you yourself ran to the enemy side and got hit on its behalf again.
Do you now see what went wrong from a heart to heart talk to some wtfbbq fight?
I won't justify myself for hurting you. I never intended it in a mean way to demoralize you or make you feel stupid, useless and unheard. It was a failure on my part.
I respect enough that your life is your own responsibility and your timing is yours.
1 comment:
woi chiko.....bertenang.... jangan jadi psykotik case macam saya bulak..
Just go Serang ur Mvp Snail macam gila la. I pergi PVP in Ro to release stress
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