Recent nights, I have been led to believe that it was raining outside, until the moment I walk out into the living room and the sound of rain disappears. Ever since the completion of the fountain at my backyard, I have been having wonderful nights of sleep listening to the peaceful and calm sound of water.
I've been working for 2/3rds of a year now.
Sometimes, I tend to I shut myself out just to be able to put up with another day at work. I make believe that I'm doing something worthwhile in fact, it's just a smoke veil to protect myself from unnecessary 'mental' and 'logic' attacks. I'm living in a comfort zone by not rocking the boat, not defying convention and pleasing people who have such stoic and mundane mentality.
I don't like answering difficult questions. I don't like to be made to feel that I am not good enough based on other people's standards. I am human, not a doll. I have my own personality, needs and shortcomings. I don't like to be made to feel that I am only worth my background, wealth, social standing and education. I don't like it when I'm put aside because I couldn't fulfill some social requirement.
But thoughts like these are best kept to yourself. The society is a ferocious one..
Just after midnight...
I would wonder how far I can achieve during digital painting class.
I never managed to try mixed media, which looks so fun.
I wonder what other hidden abilities will TOA unlock in me.
What other like-minded people I will meet.
Speculate whether my work can make it to public display.
Continuously annoy my lecturers and classmates with my strange quirks.
I would still detest Typography class and continue to suck at it and maybe get a mediocre grade just to get it over with.
I still think about graduating. Being proud of myself for being a certified artist. Because it's the achievement of my choice. Probably paste copies of my diploma along the main roads of Ipoh out of happiness.
I can only dream...
I've been working for 2/3rds of a year now.
Sometimes, I tend to I shut myself out just to be able to put up with another day at work. I make believe that I'm doing something worthwhile in fact, it's just a smoke veil to protect myself from unnecessary 'mental' and 'logic' attacks. I'm living in a comfort zone by not rocking the boat, not defying convention and pleasing people who have such stoic and mundane mentality.
I don't like answering difficult questions. I don't like to be made to feel that I am not good enough based on other people's standards. I am human, not a doll. I have my own personality, needs and shortcomings. I don't like to be made to feel that I am only worth my background, wealth, social standing and education. I don't like it when I'm put aside because I couldn't fulfill some social requirement.
But thoughts like these are best kept to yourself. The society is a ferocious one..
Just after midnight...
I would wonder how far I can achieve during digital painting class.
I never managed to try mixed media, which looks so fun.
I wonder what other hidden abilities will TOA unlock in me.
What other like-minded people I will meet.
Speculate whether my work can make it to public display.
Continuously annoy my lecturers and classmates with my strange quirks.
I would still detest Typography class and continue to suck at it and maybe get a mediocre grade just to get it over with.
I still think about graduating. Being proud of myself for being a certified artist. Because it's the achievement of my choice. Probably paste copies of my diploma along the main roads of Ipoh out of happiness.
I can only dream...
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