As I Wake Up

I think the most the moment I wake up. As in, the most critical things come to mind the second I make the transit back from slumber to reality. It's like a moodswing/pms moment and I start emo-ing and becoming extremely depressed. That's why I hate waking up. I wished someone would hit me in the head so I could go back to sleep.

Most indefinitely, I would think about a lot of mistakes I made in the past, how I was wronged by certain people, past abandonment, lack of understanding and support, or my lack of achievements and stability in conducting my own life, money...

Today I woke up and I kinda remembered what exactly it was that made me extremely enthusiastic and happy in life. My dream life I was working hard for. Going to art college and producing a load of art. Painting. Crafting. Photographing. Hanging out with my laid back friends talking about random artistic events like plays, musicals, exhibitions in a jazz bar or a funky dessert place. Being invited to showcase for exhibitions. Talk about my work. Make friends and be known through my trade. Watch anime, read manga and play PS games if I had free time. Have my own pod and design it the way I like.

Not be known as the lawyer among everyone. It's too annoying. Thank God for some of my closer relatives who acknowledge the fact that I'm studying art now. I think I probably watch too much television and admittedly I'm jealous at scenes where the parents actually encourage their kids to do their best in whatever their passionate about (ie. playing the guitar or entering some talent competition) Mine is like; whatever. Sometimes I feel they only care about the son. The reason I say this is because he just gets everything he says he wants, whereas even we beg for it, sigh, never comes.

I mean, I want a table for work at least. I don't even get that. I kinda know that and iMac, PS3 and zoom lens is probably crossing over the line. Fair enough.

 

Living life now is just boring and tiring. I thought resigning from work would help, but in exchange for financial instability and financial worry... 

In a nutshell, I'd probably just want to spend time in my room drawing and painting. Some moments, I'm kinda annoyed that there's only graphic design in Ipoh, which I knew from the very beginning was a bit off course. Am I regretting? I can't regret because that is my only ticket (albeit a 3rd class one) to reverse my relation to Law. And also a stepping stone to getting a better art qualification for the future.