Just To Be Clear

I think my last, last post kinda garnered a wrong impression about me being anti-marriage or anti-men or anti babies or anti-weddings. That's way off course. I'll admit that I ridiculed and exaggerated some content just for humour sake, considering how morbid this kind of subjects I write about. Some things I said was just to illustrate a fact (maybe a little bit dramatically). I got really uncomfortable that instead of backing up my points, people are even more convinced that I'm all the things I listed above.

I honestly respect and hold in high regard the aspect of a marital union. I enjoy going to weddings and I comprehend that it is one of the most important events in a person's life. I get upset and confused when people break up because I know how horrible a heart break can be and it's not something I would wish on anyone. But if this still doesn't really convince you, then you are free to believe what you want to believe, and I shall just continue to live my life as how it normally is to me at my own pace.

What I really find annoying to the point of frustration are people who are not aware their own boundaries. Caring for a friend's happiness is one thing, but do it subtly. Gently nudge them tor encourage them in a kinder way Not shove it down their throats and when they retort, you blame them being defensive. (OMG where did you get the perception that everything YOU say and think is right).

From another perspective, how would a person who is in a relationship feel if someone just came up to her trying to convince her that her choice of life is going to lead her to disaster with the following statements?

1. Are you still with XYZ? You haven't broke up yet? Aren't you bored already? Time to change!

2. So, seems that relationship/marriage/family life has taken all your freedom. 

3. You don't even have as much time for yourself. You don't have a opinions, much less a personality.

4. You're boyfriend's an ass. You should break up with him.

5. You're tied down.

6. Boring. No more market value.

7. You deserve better than that scumbag.

8. You're probably right, better him than nothing, you poor thing. Not much of a choice, do we?

My point is, the way you tell us things like that we 're commitment-phobic, selfish, picky, slutty, we're going to grow old and die alone and miserable in a house full of cats are HURTFUL. It hurts as much as we tell you your choice in a life partner sucks and will drag you to hell with him if you don't dump him soon. Even though both facts may be true.

Plus, if that's the worst that could happen by being single, it doesn't really sound all that bad actually comparing to being having your house bombed, or family killed and raped in front of you, or being tortured to death by mutilating your xyz or buried alive.

Even if you're married you can still die alone. 1. if your spouse dies earlier than you/divorces you/happens to be on a business trip far away; 2. and if your children all move away (could be because you nag them too much about marrying); 3. the nurse in the old folk's home has 20 other old people to look after; 4. you slipped and fell off a cliff (like Yoshito Usui, author of Shin Chan) and your body is only found 9 days later half rotten. Plus if you happen to be a cat lover, that won't make the end of you life any better than the single people you've been cursing all your life. (This is a common statement; so it's not like targetted specifically at anyone. I'm kinda directing this to myself too because I have that kinda visualization too!)

I have the kind of reservations that normal people would (or should) have ie. that your future spouse is a bad egg who cheats, gambles, squanders money etc. Other than my own experiences, I also observe other people's relationships and to me, a person who is highly sensitive and rather naive, I don't have that kind of emotional endurance to multiple date and multiple break up and still be cool about it. It's like how a coach doesn't put a low stamina player in the game for far too long but if he puts him in at the right time, he may score a good goal.

I'm sure a lot of you do realize that having real friend's are like having gold, but they are not easy to find. The kind that sticks through you through thick and thin and not try to hamhoi you everytime they can? If it's so hard to find a good friend, it's about the same level of challenge, or higher to find a good husband. Because it's not just about 'feel', you need to be smart in all other aspects such as compatibility, development as a team, good financial standing, good parenting and integrity as a human being. I mean, you can fall in love with a jerk (we all usually do). And that won't work. At All.

Disclaimer: You guys know how kiasu I am. My family wanted me to do Law so bad but I purposely went and do Art. It just says about my personality, the more you force me into a belief, the more I'll fight back just to let you know you can't simply throw your weight around and expect people to submit to you easily. In normal conditions, I probably wouldn't have hated Law (or marriage :P). Would certainly enjoyed it, but at my own terms and pace.

As for the answer to the big Q. I don't know but I'm certainly open to it. But if it doesn't happen, it's probably better to be single than to be married to the wrong guy, just look on the bright side of life and find other beneficial things to do in life lor. Marriage certainly need not be an achievement nor is it something to prove one's self worth. Either way, even if it is, it's something deserving congratulations and well wishes ultimately.