This is the sequel to Jo's post.
Random Boy: So what did you major in university?
Me: Oh, I studied Law. (w/ a straight face in anticipation of a response I am oh-so-familiar with)
Random Boy: (O.O") Oh a lawyer, I better not offend you. If not you sue me. Hahaha...
Me: *smiles politely with muka paling pei-si di dunia*
Inner Me: Haha very funny, LIKE that is so cliched. I'd suggest you come up with something more creative before I decide that the remainder of the conversation would be just as banal as you are. Oh btw, just so you know, it's not even worth the effort and time waiting for a court order to sue you.
The Great Statistics
6% : pauses in shock/breaks out into sweat/withers away at revelation, and mumbles "Excuse me, I feel the sudden need to go to the washroom" or some equally lame excuse.
39% : are polite but mentally decides not to pursue anything beyond friendship. At least, if they happen to get in trouble with the law maybe I'll be willing to handle their case for free / give them a special discount (because we're friends!!!). Hey smartass, why would I want to associate myself with someone who purposely gets in trouble with the Law and thinks my service is not worth the remuneration?!
32% : not knocked off their feet because they are studying something equivalent or higher but decides not to pursue anything beyond friendship because it falls into the category of competition.
12% : "So which uni did you go to? What's your uni rank? What class did you graduate with? Which bar school? Which firm are you attached to?" Questions with intention to find a weakness to tackle me down, and feel great about it. I realize that these are usually the jerks who have insecurity issues.
8% : too innocent (or just ignorant/desperate?) to be bothered by status issues. These could be the nice boys who don't judge and put you into categories.
3% : "Wow, I'm impressed. You must be really smart to be able to study Law. So if there's something troubling me, may I seek an opinion from you?" (At least a handful of guys managed to phrase it well. Most are highly trained professionals. A Law Degree to them is considered normal. Men who are grounded and confident with who they are and appreciate the strengths of other people despite their gender are SEX-aY. And RARE. It's classier when you don't demand a favour on our first meeting, red-neck.)
The one statement left on my FB wall that came quite close in offense was by Chichi Biantoro saying the following:
"well wai kuan you havvee to lower your standards la. the very swanky way you carry yourself might ward off malaysian boizz."
(P/S: Chichi, I wasn't offended by you. But the fact that most guys I've met DO have that perception. And I get offended when they avoid me as if I was the plague after the discovery of what I studied. Studied Law = Loaded = Smart = Argumentative = Will sue you if you offend me = Demanding = High Maintenance = Prada Handbags)
The 3% I previously mentioned are Singaporeans, Hongkies and angmohs. (Wait, a few of them have bimbo girlfriends...)
Like what godlike standards have I ever verbally imposed on a boy? As far as I can remember, something along the lines of good personality, charismatic, intelligent, fun and career driven individual who cares for the people around him. (Oh sorry, that WAS godlike?) I don't ever remember saying that he MUST have a 6-digit salary, a big house/car, buys me high end jewelry and flowers every Sunday. But if I do unconsciously let out that kinda aura, sorry-lah you have been misled. Partially your fault for being so gullible / high on drugs also.
The most common thing I've heard from men is "You should marry someone better" or "You're too good for me". If that was a compliment, thanks but no thanks. (Understatement: I am unable to give you anything because I presume that your expectations are high and you will make me look like a failure in front of your girlfriends if I don't meet them). I don't need you to determine who the bleep I am to marry or simply conjure fantasies of my personal needs.
I don't believe myself superior than anyone. I have my mood swings, am somewhat careless, always late, cuss when I'm angry, shower too long and couple of zits on a bad day. I'm only human like everyone else, and saying stuff like that is equivalent to saying I don't deserved to be loved with a twisted, bizzare logic. (As opposed to I hate you, you stinking, rotten, lying jerk.) Stripped of every superficial thing I own, I am but a normal girl, who has emotions and who wants to love and be loved by a boy.
Well okay, I do fangirl a lot over handsome men and all and have in the past place overemphasis on this characteristic on my potential boyfriends (who doesn't? Even guys fanboy over hot babes and wish to get in their pants.) In the course of life, I have fallen in love with average looking guys who shine from the inside and most recently, a guy who was totally at the other end of the world from myself. One of the few main reasons it didn't work out eventually? The same reasons we've been discussing in this post.
Honestly, I don't know how else to accommodate someone else's insecurity beyond being accepting, understanding and never complaining. (Maybe the less I complained, the more guilty they felt?) Nor do I feel that I would want to bend all the way backwards to minimize my personal potential on purpose just so that someone can feel better about himself. I refuse to be with a man who conditions me to become someone else (weaker) in order for him to be able to love me successfully.
It's the 21st century, ok? What's with the inferiority complex and all. With the rotting economy and all, you're a lucky bastard if the woman you married attracts wealth. Can you be proud and appreciate her for her fine qualities and talents instead of being jealous? Or do you just fear someone who can be your equal or better?
The next question in mind; what to do about this situation?
To superimpose that girls should be able to burp, cuss and pick their noses in front of guys because that's who they truly are is realistically, not advisable. In general practice from the beginning of time, girls tend to act more feminine, gentle and feeble in order to attract boys. Boys raise your hands if you love damsel in distress. It gives you a chance to be a hero.
As far as my close friends / chikopeers know, I'm competent and talented in most things I do, but I feign ignorance/helplessness on occasion because it is PROPER and it reaps great benefits (and a couple of boyfriends along the way). At the same time, you allow someone else to feel great about themselves. Call it manipulative or whatever, there's always two sides to a coin. I've lived long enough to know that as a girl in M'sia, if you act superior beyond your place, it will only attract disaster in the long run.
Feminist will definitely disagree with me.
Random Boy: So what did you major in university?
Me: Oh, I studied Law. (w/ a straight face in anticipation of a response I am oh-so-familiar with)
Random Boy: (O.O") Oh a lawyer, I better not offend you. If not you sue me. Hahaha...
Me: *smiles politely with muka paling pei-si di dunia*
Inner Me: Haha very funny, LIKE that is so cliched. I'd suggest you come up with something more creative before I decide that the remainder of the conversation would be just as banal as you are. Oh btw, just so you know, it's not even worth the effort and time waiting for a court order to sue you.
The Great Statistics
6% : pauses in shock/breaks out into sweat/withers away at revelation, and mumbles "Excuse me, I feel the sudden need to go to the washroom" or some equally lame excuse.
39% : are polite but mentally decides not to pursue anything beyond friendship. At least, if they happen to get in trouble with the law maybe I'll be willing to handle their case for free / give them a special discount (because we're friends!!!). Hey smartass, why would I want to associate myself with someone who purposely gets in trouble with the Law and thinks my service is not worth the remuneration?!
32% : not knocked off their feet because they are studying something equivalent or higher but decides not to pursue anything beyond friendship because it falls into the category of competition.
12% : "So which uni did you go to? What's your uni rank? What class did you graduate with? Which bar school? Which firm are you attached to?" Questions with intention to find a weakness to tackle me down, and feel great about it. I realize that these are usually the jerks who have insecurity issues.
8% : too innocent (or just ignorant/desperate?) to be bothered by status issues. These could be the nice boys who don't judge and put you into categories.
3% : "Wow, I'm impressed. You must be really smart to be able to study Law. So if there's something troubling me, may I seek an opinion from you?" (At least a handful of guys managed to phrase it well. Most are highly trained professionals. A Law Degree to them is considered normal. Men who are grounded and confident with who they are and appreciate the strengths of other people despite their gender are SEX-aY. And RARE. It's classier when you don't demand a favour on our first meeting, red-neck.)
The one statement left on my FB wall that came quite close in offense was by Chichi Biantoro saying the following:
"well wai kuan you havvee to lower your standards la. the very swanky way you carry yourself might ward off malaysian boizz."
(P/S: Chichi, I wasn't offended by you. But the fact that most guys I've met DO have that perception. And I get offended when they avoid me as if I was the plague after the discovery of what I studied. Studied Law = Loaded = Smart = Argumentative = Will sue you if you offend me = Demanding = High Maintenance = Prada Handbags)
The 3% I previously mentioned are Singaporeans, Hongkies and angmohs. (Wait, a few of them have bimbo girlfriends...)
Like what godlike standards have I ever verbally imposed on a boy? As far as I can remember, something along the lines of good personality, charismatic, intelligent, fun and career driven individual who cares for the people around him. (Oh sorry, that WAS godlike?) I don't ever remember saying that he MUST have a 6-digit salary, a big house/car, buys me high end jewelry and flowers every Sunday. But if I do unconsciously let out that kinda aura, sorry-lah you have been misled. Partially your fault for being so gullible / high on drugs also.
The most common thing I've heard from men is "You should marry someone better" or "You're too good for me". If that was a compliment, thanks but no thanks. (Understatement: I am unable to give you anything because I presume that your expectations are high and you will make me look like a failure in front of your girlfriends if I don't meet them). I don't need you to determine who the bleep I am to marry or simply conjure fantasies of my personal needs.
I don't believe myself superior than anyone. I have my mood swings, am somewhat careless, always late, cuss when I'm angry, shower too long and couple of zits on a bad day. I'm only human like everyone else, and saying stuff like that is equivalent to saying I don't deserved to be loved with a twisted, bizzare logic. (As opposed to I hate you, you stinking, rotten, lying jerk.) Stripped of every superficial thing I own, I am but a normal girl, who has emotions and who wants to love and be loved by a boy.
Well okay, I do fangirl a lot over handsome men and all and have in the past place overemphasis on this characteristic on my potential boyfriends (who doesn't? Even guys fanboy over hot babes and wish to get in their pants.) In the course of life, I have fallen in love with average looking guys who shine from the inside and most recently, a guy who was totally at the other end of the world from myself. One of the few main reasons it didn't work out eventually? The same reasons we've been discussing in this post.
Honestly, I don't know how else to accommodate someone else's insecurity beyond being accepting, understanding and never complaining. (Maybe the less I complained, the more guilty they felt?) Nor do I feel that I would want to bend all the way backwards to minimize my personal potential on purpose just so that someone can feel better about himself. I refuse to be with a man who conditions me to become someone else (weaker) in order for him to be able to love me successfully.
It's the 21st century, ok? What's with the inferiority complex and all. With the rotting economy and all, you're a lucky bastard if the woman you married attracts wealth. Can you be proud and appreciate her for her fine qualities and talents instead of being jealous? Or do you just fear someone who can be your equal or better?
The next question in mind; what to do about this situation?
To superimpose that girls should be able to burp, cuss and pick their noses in front of guys because that's who they truly are is realistically, not advisable. In general practice from the beginning of time, girls tend to act more feminine, gentle and feeble in order to attract boys. Boys raise your hands if you love damsel in distress. It gives you a chance to be a hero.
As far as my close friends / chikopeers know, I'm competent and talented in most things I do, but I feign ignorance/helplessness on occasion because it is PROPER and it reaps great benefits (and a couple of boyfriends along the way). At the same time, you allow someone else to feel great about themselves. Call it manipulative or whatever, there's always two sides to a coin. I've lived long enough to know that as a girl in M'sia, if you act superior beyond your place, it will only attract disaster in the long run.
Feminist will definitely disagree with me.
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