Grateful

I am grateful to God because...

• I have not suffered poverty, severe hunger, neverending debts.
• I never lived in a squatter wooden house in someone else's land.
• I never have to work hard in my life because eventually the one before me will pass his fortune down to me.
• I can buy whatever my heart desires without contemplating about the fact that I can't even cover my basic bills.
• I have great chances of education because there's someone to pay it for me.
• Because of good education, I'll start off better in a job than those who cannot afford paper qualification.
• After that, the capital to investing whatsoever is already lying there ready. Money makes more money which will fend me for life and the next few generations.
• I don't have to work towards a retirement fund because I'm already well provided for.
• I don't have to work 2 jobs a day, move to a faraway country to work work in uncomfortable positions because if not, my mother will faint in hunger.
• I don't have to take a loan from the bank. I don't even have to know wtf is a down payment and monthly installments and interest p.a.
• My life is secured no matter what happens.
• I can get sick and not worry about medical expenses.
• I can do anything and everything the poor cannot. Eg. throwing a stack of dollar bills into the sea and feel proud about it
• I can 'peisi' commoners and slave drive them around because I have the power and status to do so.

SERIOUSLY. I am grateful to God.

I am very grateful to God to the point I cry tears of joy because I have a group of friends who have NEVER said ALL the above to me. 

I have friends who see me as an equal, struggling through life (different forms of troubles but same levels of frustrations, despair & worries). Never once I remembered being compared or judged in that manner. They never said that even though I have problems but money makes up for it, believe that other people suffer more than I do and am not qualified to complain.

I am grateful that they do not measure my level of competency against my financial back up. Eg.: She is only skilled because her parents can afford to pay for a more prestigious college. She is only successful because her parents provided her with start up capital (+ If I had the chance / start up capital  / born in her shoes, I would have succeeded too). I'm not like you, my parents cannot afford my resits so I have to work hard (as if I don't).

I am glad that people take sincere interest in my work and I am offered the chance to amuse them (with something I feel too low self esteemed to acknowledge it as 'talent'). I like it when my friends cheer me on in whatever I'm doing (even though I sometimes question whether it makes any sense to them at all). This moves me to tears even though it is just one person doing so.

Am very glad that even though I obviously flopped a thousand times in front of them or said a lot of stupid things whether I realized it or not, they don't make a big deal out of it.

I abhor it when people ask me questions like, "Is there a NEED for YOU to work HARD???" or scoff at my dreams because they think I have the privilege to do so just because I needn't give a shit about reality since that's my parents/ancestors job. They even formed a indisputable hypothesis that it would be instant death for me should I one day loose this support.

Thank God for the people who are NOT like that.

 

Busy Back to Work!

Last weekend was totally all about JB. Getting the tickets stressed the bleep outta my mind because all they had was ridiculous timings and sold out times. Travelling wasn't as terrifying as I imagined, but my trip down was close to it. For any girl, it would have been a hell ride, being assigned at the back of the bus with 3 samseng looking guys, the one next to you who keeps staring at you, inviting casual conversations and has an acrobatic sleeping pattern with his hand flying all over the place. Larkin is mega dodgy. Scarier than Puduraya. I kept my taser next to me at all times. And I'm not afraid to use it. >)

My anak emas's birthday.

Being the best friend (not to be mistaken for the one who got a nose job, poor boyfriend and a bad reputation ;P), it would be a sin not to turn up.

I really put the picture you made for me next to my bed. The bird fell off so I had to look for my glue gun to stick it back.

Ryan kun

Not like you're ever gonna read this! Bwahahaha. But if you miraculously do, don't feel too embarassed because most of the stuff I wrote are plain facts and from my heart.

Ryan kun left for KL for training yesterday afternoon. I believe this may be your final exit out of Ipoh towards your dream. As your 'hou heng dai' (a.k.a. BFF; lit. good brother/partner) I feel really glad and proud that you're finally on track to pave the path for your future. Just half a year ago, both of us were like pathetic losers drowning hopelessly in the sea of life. You, in particular were so demotivated and complainy in every aspect of your life. Everyone thought your future was in serious question. You've grown into a man with purpose. Things are slowly falling in line for you. I'm really very relieved both of us managed to keep our chins up and pushed through that dark period.

I really meant it when I told you I thanked God you were around the past half a year because life became more bearable. My staunch belief is that every guy I have encountered in MHS is the spawn of darkness and destined to mess up my life one way or another. I even swore never to associate myself with one ever again, but you're the only exception. If I never met you, I would never had the chance to attend St Peter's and had my entire family christianed one by one. God has then blessed the family abundantly. I hope my family members would come to realize that.

You were the only friend who was physically there for me from the beginning of my dark ordeal till today. Whenever I fell into depression mode, you would force me to play Bioshock in order to freak the crap out of me (even though it was a really cruel and twisted way to ease my depression). Hence, the discovery of the benefits of 'Shock Theraphy'. You accompanied me jogging at a whim after work so that I could get fully charged with endorphins, drop dead tired and sleep soundly at the end of the day when you would rather play WoW with your precious leftover time.

You were always on call on MSN whenever I couldn't figure out my bizarre relationship problems and gave me really sound advice from the point of a guy. You visited me when I got paralyzed in bed from stomach ulcers prior to crying for days after breaking up. You smacked sense into me when I wanted to suffocate myself to death in a teacup being inspired by Goldie's recent suicide. You're always saying mean, insensitive things about my previous relationship, but I'll let it pass (coz I know that you're actually on my side).

October 14th last year, sis called from Ipoh at 2 in the morning to say they are going bring grandpa home because the doctors have given up on him. I was entering a nervous breakdown alone in my apartment in Puchong. I was already struggling with accumulated assignments due to my wrist surgery and the weekly trips back to Ipoh due to grandpa's on and off critical condition. I was on the verge of failing my semester by not meeting the attendance quota and delayed homework. If I didn't hear your calm voice over Skype that night, I think I would have snapped.

When my grandpa died, you were the only friend who attended his wake and let me wail my sorrows shamelessly when the world felt too heavy for my shoulders and my sister wasn't around. There was no space to cry nor to act weak when the family was consumed by the aspects of succeeding grandpa's legacy instead of consoling each other. You accommodated me when I just had to runaway from home for a brief moment to escape the madness past grandpa's death. I have never in my life cried so miserably and OOC in front of anyone before. I was glad that I was able to do so in return when your grandma passed away last weekend. (I would have never known that men's office pants were adjustable in length on purchase if I didn't accompany you shopping...)

I had to give up art because I wasn't physically, mentally and emotionally capable of persevering. I was incapable of facing the shock and the painful memories of having to give up art again and returning to law. I was completely defeated by fate and my heart was so shaken I thought I was about to break into pieces any second. You knocked sense into me when I was growing mad and talking rubbish. You assured me that no matter what, I can still draw as a hobby if not commercially.

Steph remarked that you're like my 'nai gung' (meaning male nanny) because I acted like a baby (vulnerable, helpless and crying) and you are on call to take care of me all the time. The baby has grown up now and is more 'powderful' than before thanks to your patient nurturing (developed through playing Maple Story, known for its excruciating process of levelling up).

Thank you for setting up my current wonderful office and getting injured in the process (My desk alone looks heavy). I will strive to work hard too for my future. Thank you for driving me around in 4477 (which I shamefully never managed to master driving before your dad sold it off) when my wrist went through hell from surgery. I think it's the most charming vehicle I've been in despite what you think about it.

I'll admit there were times I took you for granted with my bad habits (like being late all the time and not picking up my phone). Because of my aloofness and immaturity, I indirectly got you into a horrible accident and ruined your Easter weekend. I was totally ignorant about the whole thing and it dawned upon me that good friends are scarce and I can lose them any time. You still talked with me, forgave me and considered me a friend even after what I did.

So... I wish you success wherever you go (KL, Spore or Aussie) and believes that you will fulfil your hearts desire eventually. Blah it's not like we're not going to see each other again. *hates mushy good byes and conclusions*

Anak Emasku

My dearest Joanna Olivia Khoo May Chin,

In reply to Kuan!

It's been like nearly 5 years since I proclaimed you as my anak emas. (Like 2009-2004=5) That's like half a decade. We literally watched each others transition from emo teenager to adulthood, and went through a load of life's typical ups and downs and yet to survive the incoming ones.

My daughter, aged 21.

Despite you having a evergrowing social network, I'm very honoured (and a bit uppish) that you've always maintained me in the top 0.5% of the hierarchy. I could say the same for you. And for all the times I'd ever mistreated you, it wasn't me. It was my hormones working.

Post uni, it seems that we're growing apart into our own lives. I'm north, you're south. Sometimes I feel shitty that I couldn't be physically there for you like I always did. I'm desperately waiting for stupid Ipoh to reopen its airport. If it does, I'll pay for your air ticket to fly over and back. So no reason for not being able to come Ipoh.

I miss you heaps. You CAN tell.

I want to come to your room and wallow through all your endless junk like old times. You, who would allow me the liberty to bitch about all my problems until I fall asleep on your bed and still love / accept me anyways. x

It's consoling to know that even spending hours at the office glued to the chair my bum is still in acceptable form.

It is our honour that you are willing to support my sister's dream. You're welcome to participate our sampling of food.

I'm certain I'll own my mini palace when money permits. That's why I have to work my ass off. Things don't fall out from the sky, rain and rocks maybe. Since the economy is failing, we should cease relying heavily on the idea of marrying rich and secure our own turfs first.

At the moment, home is the best because food is freely served, clothes are fresh and pressed and my bed is made up. Saves a hell load of money. The only remuneration is to grow immunity against ma's nagging. It's a fair price to pay.

Come around Ipoh to ask my parents permission to wed their daughter and prepare an official proposal (incl. dinner, flowers, ring). I always dreamt of a 5 carat *hint hint*, but since it's you, you yourself are worth >16 carat already. So I won't refuse either way. ;)

I ruve u too.


xoxoxox