Ryan kun

Not like you're ever gonna read this! Bwahahaha. But if you miraculously do, don't feel too embarassed because most of the stuff I wrote are plain facts and from my heart.

Ryan kun left for KL for training yesterday afternoon. I believe this may be your final exit out of Ipoh towards your dream. As your 'hou heng dai' (a.k.a. BFF; lit. good brother/partner) I feel really glad and proud that you're finally on track to pave the path for your future. Just half a year ago, both of us were like pathetic losers drowning hopelessly in the sea of life. You, in particular were so demotivated and complainy in every aspect of your life. Everyone thought your future was in serious question. You've grown into a man with purpose. Things are slowly falling in line for you. I'm really very relieved both of us managed to keep our chins up and pushed through that dark period.

I really meant it when I told you I thanked God you were around the past half a year because life became more bearable. My staunch belief is that every guy I have encountered in MHS is the spawn of darkness and destined to mess up my life one way or another. I even swore never to associate myself with one ever again, but you're the only exception. If I never met you, I would never had the chance to attend St Peter's and had my entire family christianed one by one. God has then blessed the family abundantly. I hope my family members would come to realize that.

You were the only friend who was physically there for me from the beginning of my dark ordeal till today. Whenever I fell into depression mode, you would force me to play Bioshock in order to freak the crap out of me (even though it was a really cruel and twisted way to ease my depression). Hence, the discovery of the benefits of 'Shock Theraphy'. You accompanied me jogging at a whim after work so that I could get fully charged with endorphins, drop dead tired and sleep soundly at the end of the day when you would rather play WoW with your precious leftover time.

You were always on call on MSN whenever I couldn't figure out my bizarre relationship problems and gave me really sound advice from the point of a guy. You visited me when I got paralyzed in bed from stomach ulcers prior to crying for days after breaking up. You smacked sense into me when I wanted to suffocate myself to death in a teacup being inspired by Goldie's recent suicide. You're always saying mean, insensitive things about my previous relationship, but I'll let it pass (coz I know that you're actually on my side).

October 14th last year, sis called from Ipoh at 2 in the morning to say they are going bring grandpa home because the doctors have given up on him. I was entering a nervous breakdown alone in my apartment in Puchong. I was already struggling with accumulated assignments due to my wrist surgery and the weekly trips back to Ipoh due to grandpa's on and off critical condition. I was on the verge of failing my semester by not meeting the attendance quota and delayed homework. If I didn't hear your calm voice over Skype that night, I think I would have snapped.

When my grandpa died, you were the only friend who attended his wake and let me wail my sorrows shamelessly when the world felt too heavy for my shoulders and my sister wasn't around. There was no space to cry nor to act weak when the family was consumed by the aspects of succeeding grandpa's legacy instead of consoling each other. You accommodated me when I just had to runaway from home for a brief moment to escape the madness past grandpa's death. I have never in my life cried so miserably and OOC in front of anyone before. I was glad that I was able to do so in return when your grandma passed away last weekend. (I would have never known that men's office pants were adjustable in length on purchase if I didn't accompany you shopping...)

I had to give up art because I wasn't physically, mentally and emotionally capable of persevering. I was incapable of facing the shock and the painful memories of having to give up art again and returning to law. I was completely defeated by fate and my heart was so shaken I thought I was about to break into pieces any second. You knocked sense into me when I was growing mad and talking rubbish. You assured me that no matter what, I can still draw as a hobby if not commercially.

Steph remarked that you're like my 'nai gung' (meaning male nanny) because I acted like a baby (vulnerable, helpless and crying) and you are on call to take care of me all the time. The baby has grown up now and is more 'powderful' than before thanks to your patient nurturing (developed through playing Maple Story, known for its excruciating process of levelling up).

Thank you for setting up my current wonderful office and getting injured in the process (My desk alone looks heavy). I will strive to work hard too for my future. Thank you for driving me around in 4477 (which I shamefully never managed to master driving before your dad sold it off) when my wrist went through hell from surgery. I think it's the most charming vehicle I've been in despite what you think about it.

I'll admit there were times I took you for granted with my bad habits (like being late all the time and not picking up my phone). Because of my aloofness and immaturity, I indirectly got you into a horrible accident and ruined your Easter weekend. I was totally ignorant about the whole thing and it dawned upon me that good friends are scarce and I can lose them any time. You still talked with me, forgave me and considered me a friend even after what I did.

So... I wish you success wherever you go (KL, Spore or Aussie) and believes that you will fulfil your hearts desire eventually. Blah it's not like we're not going to see each other again. *hates mushy good byes and conclusions*