It's not even that time of the month yet where you can blame your hormones for acting against you and its the cause of your bad attitude and devastating moodswings.
These are the days when I believe that even when I am careful of not stepping on other people's feet, I am still actively offending people some way or another.
I'm probably old enough to cease complaining about parents. But anyhow... Sometimes, I think that my parents have a superiority complex. When they see you being docile and submissive, they start to stir up waters and get you agitated to that they can kick you back in your place again. It's like they freak out when they don't see the normal red button available for pushing and they start looking for another one.
I've only started working for half a year (and in a position of a minion) and what makes them think that I'm stable in what I'm doing? We don't even talk more than 30 minutes a month since everyone is busy with whatever they're doing. Everything now revolves around my grandmother, my brother and the pets. The only time that my mum talks to me is when she's looking for my brother or Larry or Twinkie, even when I'm lying sick in bed. Sometimes, I don't even realize that I'm someone's daughter.
I definitely know how hard it is to make money. It's hard not because it's unavailable but because of all the sacrifices I need to make just to be able to save some.
I really can't stand the condescending tone of "Use your one month salary."
Maybe it's just me being hypersensitive, but it feels as if the underlying meaning of the whole thing is that, "You're a big shot now since you have a job and a salary, pay your own bills since you're so capable. You probably don't need us anymore." Like they're trying to highlight to me how helpless I would be without them.
It's like rubbing salt into injury. I wonder how many people actually realize that I am swallowing all my pride to work in a field that I known for detesting in order to fight for a more fulfilling life.
And since I have the f*king right on how to use my salary, then I just decided not to pay. The worst is that I have to give up using it. It is just totally out of my means. I don't understand why my parents would want to place such a burden on me, very knowingly that it would cost 1/12 of my yearly pay.
I decided to buy my DSLR and my Ipod. I bought it with my own money, saved up for months. They're broken now and I expect myself to pay for the repairs when I'm capable of doing so. This is my personal investment and my responsibility to take care of them. It never even occurred to me to ask for financial help. I pay for my own Japanese classes because I want to study it without breaking budget.
Does it not occur to them that eventually, one day, I'll get married, buy my own house, have kids and want to be able to support them in food and education? And I've already started late because of their selfish demands of forcing me stay back for Form 6 (the 2 most irrelevant years of my life) and blackmailing and threatening me into studying a f*king subject I hated. I was fed with disgusting promises of a BETTER life after completing my degree, which NEVER came.
I kept my side of the promise. But f*k has changed to the better.
I do not feel any richer, nor comfortable in my life. I have to slog off everyday and fight for the crumbs of extra commission. I live on overnight food. I don't even go out, and I don't even dream of going for holidays. And right now, I have to give up my car.
Despite this, it's probably a good thing. Since they're no longer buying me, it means I have more freedom in doing whatever I want.
These are the days when I believe that even when I am careful of not stepping on other people's feet, I am still actively offending people some way or another.
I'm probably old enough to cease complaining about parents. But anyhow... Sometimes, I think that my parents have a superiority complex. When they see you being docile and submissive, they start to stir up waters and get you agitated to that they can kick you back in your place again. It's like they freak out when they don't see the normal red button available for pushing and they start looking for another one.
I've only started working for half a year (and in a position of a minion) and what makes them think that I'm stable in what I'm doing? We don't even talk more than 30 minutes a month since everyone is busy with whatever they're doing. Everything now revolves around my grandmother, my brother and the pets. The only time that my mum talks to me is when she's looking for my brother or Larry or Twinkie, even when I'm lying sick in bed. Sometimes, I don't even realize that I'm someone's daughter.
I definitely know how hard it is to make money. It's hard not because it's unavailable but because of all the sacrifices I need to make just to be able to save some.
I really can't stand the condescending tone of "Use your one month salary."
Maybe it's just me being hypersensitive, but it feels as if the underlying meaning of the whole thing is that, "You're a big shot now since you have a job and a salary, pay your own bills since you're so capable. You probably don't need us anymore." Like they're trying to highlight to me how helpless I would be without them.
It's like rubbing salt into injury. I wonder how many people actually realize that I am swallowing all my pride to work in a field that I known for detesting in order to fight for a more fulfilling life.
And since I have the f*king right on how to use my salary, then I just decided not to pay. The worst is that I have to give up using it. It is just totally out of my means. I don't understand why my parents would want to place such a burden on me, very knowingly that it would cost 1/12 of my yearly pay.
I decided to buy my DSLR and my Ipod. I bought it with my own money, saved up for months. They're broken now and I expect myself to pay for the repairs when I'm capable of doing so. This is my personal investment and my responsibility to take care of them. It never even occurred to me to ask for financial help. I pay for my own Japanese classes because I want to study it without breaking budget.
Does it not occur to them that eventually, one day, I'll get married, buy my own house, have kids and want to be able to support them in food and education? And I've already started late because of their selfish demands of forcing me stay back for Form 6 (the 2 most irrelevant years of my life) and blackmailing and threatening me into studying a f*king subject I hated. I was fed with disgusting promises of a BETTER life after completing my degree, which NEVER came.
I kept my side of the promise. But f*k has changed to the better.
I do not feel any richer, nor comfortable in my life. I have to slog off everyday and fight for the crumbs of extra commission. I live on overnight food. I don't even go out, and I don't even dream of going for holidays. And right now, I have to give up my car.
Despite this, it's probably a good thing. Since they're no longer buying me, it means I have more freedom in doing whatever I want.
1 comment:
very well written babe. couldnt agree more. hang on in there, u'll be alright *hugs* =)
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