Proof That Procrastination Is Not Always Bad

So I suppose most of you guys have already known (or about to know) that I'm a g-damned procrastinator. The only person (I acknowledge) worst than me is probably my roommate during our college days, because at least my assignments would have been finished 6 hours before 8 am of the due date, whereas she would have just started drafting her assignment points and I would help her type it out of panic that she won't be able to make it with that kind of speed that she is going. However, it always ends up that she would get the highest marks in class despite the behind the scenes chaos, stress and tears. She's a totally different person now that she is in the working world because it demands the impossible from you with much dire consequences if unfulfilled.

Anyway, I have a serious confession to make. Right until today, I haven't managed to book my return ticket from London-Kuala Lumpur. My relatives have been nagging me since January to have everything booked so that I would not end up with no flights or accommodation during the summer break since it's a peak season. I gave in 90% to their nagging and booked almost everything just to have them off my back, but I have this extremely rebellious streak that made me just dilly dally with my return flight. I had this mentality that I would always do it 'tomorrow'. And that was since March.

So yesterday night, I started to have a fear of no flights or the price going even higher and I made a resolution to myself that I would get it done the next day, no excuses. I was rather worrisome about the fact that the price might have gone up but I'd still have to buy the tickets nonetheless... (ego issues)

All this while, I kept lying that I had everything settled, so that everyone would stop questioning me. :P However, it is pointless that I tell them because no one actually makes the effort to remember that they have asked me, and I would be thrown the same question again the next time we talk about it despite the many times I have told them. Same goes for the exact dates that we're going. 

So prior to that these were the prices when I checked between the period of February to May. (Yes, I often clicked on the MAS site to check whether the flight is still there or whether the price has gone up but I couldn't make the extra effort to book the bloody tickets then!) 

I got rejected when I tried to pay the above price with my credit card because that was  over the limit so I had to wait a little till my credit recuperated. And this is the price when I checked today...

My G. It's like HALF the price. And for 30 seconds I thought I might have purchased the wrong flight or there was some internal error or a scam (being the cynic I am)... 

30 seconds later, I just made the purchase because I was in fear that the price will shoot up like how it does in Air Asia and other budget airlines even if you're slower by a split second and you will have to bear with the agony that the price went up RM20-50-100 (it is money also, okay!). 

So at the end of the day, I have all the tickets and stuff booked and I can live peacefully without being haunted by the fact of outstanding to-dos. The best part is the 50% cheaper I had to pay. Yay for procrastination (this round)!

Mid Year Update (Yes I Noticed!)

Hi long time no see,

Now the reason that you finally get to see me typing a blog post is because this is what happened...

I don't know how 'shortly' it means but when that happened I just lost 60% of my life's purpose on the internet (incl. Restaurant City, Pet Society, It Girl, Millionaire City and random stalking on other people's FB activities, spamming photos uploaded from my BB etc.) 

After the long absence from blogging, I am somewhat inspired to make a comeback with some random updates and musings. I am actually surprised people still drop by once in a while (so bored meh?!) but (touchingly) knowing that, I shall make the effort to humour you guys with whatever's left of my writing skills.

I haven't been blogging for ages because at one point I was looking for a web hosting for photoblogs, the kind I can mass upload photos and leave remarks and descriptions at a click (like FB) rather than rearranging and separately uploading them onto blogger. Too tedious.  Plus this was fueled by the fact that I only have a tiny readers base (not even 5% of my FB friends know of the existence of my blog!). I prefer to keep it personal to the existing people who have been following me since the beginning. That being said, in contradiction, I actually enjoy the responses and attention I get from posting updates on FB... Also, it's probably because I have grown older and exhausted much of the angst generated by my youth, so I don't have much incentive to vent it out through blogging as I used to. 

Blogging takes so much time off my hands. 7 minutes have since passed after typing these few paragraphs! But enough of the excuses!~

What has been up during the first quarter of the year. A couple of trips around, mainly beach trips to Pangkor and Sipadan, been to HK twice, to KL a gabazillion of times, Penang and Melaka once each. Right now I just refuse to go anywhere further than 20 kilometers from my house (20 km is where I go to work now) for the reason of fatigue of traveling. All the rush, stress, punctuality to board planes, worry that I packed everything and the fear of getting pick pocketed has weakened my nerves and I need time to recuperate.

So, here's a short topic that has been boggling my mind for the past few days. It's about 'Loving Unconditionally'. 

I, for one, believe in unconditional love... with the fine print at the bottom. The type you don't quite notice it is there or don't bother to read until one day you commit something against the tiny terms and conditions, which brings you unbearable consequences.

I suppose it's common (especially within Asian families), because although throughout your whole life, your parents give birth to you and throw in their entire/partial life savings into grooming you to become the ideal superior human being (although Idk wtf is that) and when you fail to achieve that level, all their actions of love somewhat transform into 'hostility'. This includes constant comparing/humiliation/insulting, beating down your self esteem, beating you with a stick/slipper/clothes hanger/frying pan/broom, guilt trips, eviction from comfort (food/shelter), denial of privileges. Just to name a few.

I've been told by my cousin, CML, that one lady actually paid for her daughter to have plastic surgery and bought her a sports car (?!!!) so that she can attract a good marriage. (Lucky her?) So summarily, her mom and future bf, can only love her if she fulfills those certain requirements.

I bet somewhere along any of your relationships, you would ask you significant other, "What do you love about me?" or "Why did you choose to be with me (among all other people?)" 

I would ask that because, all my life I've assumed that I was 'still kept around' and given privileges because I was indispensable to the family. I mean look, if I wasn't around, everybody will be having a hard time (admits everyone). And most of the time, I actually question the intentions of people who wanted to be friends with me. (Mebbe coz I'm nice.)

So far, everyone who has claimed that they were my dad's best friends, have conned the F* out of me. Therefore, everyone who I come across, I hereby see them as guilty until proven innocent.

So here was my bf's answer. He said, there was no reason for loving me, he just did. If he has a reason, it wouldn't be called love at all. Yeah, I totally see his point. Or maybe, he probably was just too lazy/sleepy to think out a proper reason or that question just took him by surprise, he couldn't think out an answer on the spot so he just came up with a diverting answer that sounded good. In a way, I could just settle for the answer and be happy, or I should feel slightly insulted because it implied that there is nothing especially attractive/interesting that he noticed about me in order to be with me. Idk. :S

That being said, I had my reasons to be with him now (despite perceiving him as a /insert derogatory remark here/ when we first met). For example, a lot of people think he's good husband/father material, extremely responsible and hardworking. The bonus is that he has a few outstanding achievements as well. Don't really want to sound too showy because he's humble about his own status (which is something I also admire). But yeah, those are the few reasons I convince myself to stay with him even though he pisses me off every once in a while. I mean like, let's be honest, how much better can this get? (Plus it's not like I'm getting any younger...) Other than looking at the exterior qualifications, I give him a lot of credit for being someone I can depend on and talk to about on a personal level.

So... personally, I don't really think it is possible to love someone completely free of conditions. The most that we could do it tell them that we don't like their behavior and if the relationship is important to them as well, they would do something about it in order to coexist with us.

Peace out.