My Kai-ma assigned me a box of FILES regarding loans as a belated Xmas present. She hopes that I will be esctatic with my new assignments for the rest of this week and may the new knowledge and experience passed to me will be of great value to my life. >n<
Mum asks me whether I was enjoying my work. 'Enjoyable' wouldn't be the accurate word. I would say however, that when you're put into something that challenges you out of your comfort zone furthermore it is something that you were convinced that you didn't have what it takes to perform it, AND you manage to overcome it, you feel absolutely amazing.
(There were a couple of moments during office time that I felt like I was really smart because I surpassed my own expectations.)
For example, GWD I still have a lingering paranoia of talking through the phone. As in, I have this impression once you place the receiver to your ear, some demon will come out and possess your body through your ear. In my position, phone calls are a norm, if not a necessity. And I was representing the firm. Sh*t. But then I did it and I felt that I could do it again.
There was also the fear of not being able to cope and understand all the legal terms and figuring out how to handle a case. The insecurity of being not smart enough and anxiety of what if I mess up big time/all the time? What if I let everyone down and spiral into depression and self depreciation because I become convinced that I'm so stupid and useless...
That aside, I was confident of my decision to work in this firm from the beginning. (That proves I can't be all that stupid.) Generally, I know that my superiors are generous with their knowledge and are willing to take the trouble of going over my questions and problems (however lame) unlike many other firms. There's drama nonetheless, but politics and cat-fights were mild to none. I believe I will be well guided and educated, not only in knowledge but also character-wise. I'm pretty careless but at least I know that my boss won't kill me (because he can) but will truly make me go through some tough times to learn out of my mistakes.
Mum asks me whether I was enjoying my work. 'Enjoyable' wouldn't be the accurate word. I would say however, that when you're put into something that challenges you out of your comfort zone furthermore it is something that you were convinced that you didn't have what it takes to perform it, AND you manage to overcome it, you feel absolutely amazing.
(There were a couple of moments during office time that I felt like I was really smart because I surpassed my own expectations.)
For example, GWD I still have a lingering paranoia of talking through the phone. As in, I have this impression once you place the receiver to your ear, some demon will come out and possess your body through your ear. In my position, phone calls are a norm, if not a necessity. And I was representing the firm. Sh*t. But then I did it and I felt that I could do it again.
There was also the fear of not being able to cope and understand all the legal terms and figuring out how to handle a case. The insecurity of being not smart enough and anxiety of what if I mess up big time/all the time? What if I let everyone down and spiral into depression and self depreciation because I become convinced that I'm so stupid and useless...
That aside, I was confident of my decision to work in this firm from the beginning. (That proves I can't be all that stupid.) Generally, I know that my superiors are generous with their knowledge and are willing to take the trouble of going over my questions and problems (however lame) unlike many other firms. There's drama nonetheless, but politics and cat-fights were mild to none. I believe I will be well guided and educated, not only in knowledge but also character-wise. I'm pretty careless but at least I know that my boss won't kill me (because he can) but will truly make me go through some tough times to learn out of my mistakes.
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