Law & I Today

Totally off topic from the previous post...

Lemme clarify once again. I never wanted to study Law as opposed to what everyone believes. However, as the eldest offspring of the family, I have the duty to uphold the family honour and embrace the responsibilities of being an heir to my family legacy. Whether I like it or not, I am born into this family and this is my God giventh destiny (I wonder?).

Law has indeed been my Achilles heel for the past few years. I used to crumble into an emotional wreck at the mere mention of it. Why? Because I always knew in my heart that I will indefinitely betray everyone's expectations and run away to become a poor artist and gain the disdain and disappointment of people around me. I would feel ashamed and disgraceful if I failed because I know where my true capabilities lie. I was never Lawyer material to begin with. The fights I had with family made it seem that the degree was more important than their daughter's true happiness. But then I kinda realized along the road that to Chinese people, caring about your future maintenance = love = care about your happiness. What to do...

I just watched this Korean drama. The bride walked out on the groom during their wedding day when the groom admitted that he couldn't pass the Bar exam. She told him, "My father brought a pedigree dog that cost $1000 but when he wanted to sell it, the pet shop wouldn't offer more than $30. Why? Because the dog didn't have a certificate to prove its ancestry. So even though the dog is a real pedigree but it doesn't have a cert, it is worthless as a mutt."

To the Chinese, money, fame and status is the strictly ultimate pinnacle of life. Maybe I've been heavily influenced by western culture to 'live your dreams!', 'be true to thyself!', 'fight for your passion and true love!' etc. I was anguish in my heart about everyone being wrong because they are forcing me to become the ideal, dream daughter everyone wants; beautiful, successful, rich and intelligent. I came to realize that whatever you do, there's always the other cousin who is smarter or prettier. It's a neverending battle.

I can hear it in my dreams; people chanting how great a future I will have by studying Law (even as a female). I am convinced of the glamour and respect I can get when people address me as Lawyer or 'Lu Xi'. I don't deny the material benefits I can gain. Your arguments are impenetrable.

Perhaps the most guilt-inducing statement I've ever heard in my whole life was, you are lucky to be born into a good family; good parents who can give you the best of the world, money, food comfortable shelter, pretty dresses, bring you on vacations overseas and afford expensive education to guarantee you an easy life. And here you are ungratefully and selfishly complaining, not appreciating the things you have whereas the majority population of the world is suffering from the lack of thereof. In most cases, they will not be able to achieve it in their lifetime nor provide it to their children.

I felt like a spoilt princess who is oblivious to the sufferings of the world. When am asked to lift a finger to do something important, I throw tantrums because I don't like it. I didn't have to work part time during my education days because I was well provided for. I could screw up my papers if I wanted to because I'd have the funds to resit as many times I wanted. (Okay, realistically, I'm not that evil but you get the picture.)

I rest my case of a 5-year struggle against the logic of doing what I want and not what everyone else want today.

Nowadays, Law and I get along pretty well (on good days). Which is probably a good thing. I'm surprised to hear myself say that. The other day, I told my sister that my grandfather (who passed away last October) must be smiling in heaven because I'm working in a Law firm and my sister is now being tutored in an Accounting firm (both are reputable ones in Ipoh). My parents on the other hand are smiling in their hearts and probably drip saliva when we're not looking. Relatives are mostly impressed to see a young professional emerging in their circles. Friends here and there are either happy or envious (which is also an indirect compliment). What more can I ask?

Despite whatever were my initial intentions, I made my bed (by accepting my fate), so I will have to sleep on it. In the back of my mind, I hear the echoes of second guessing myself. Am I contented to be steamrolled by fate? Only time will tell.

On a side note, if this perception is required for my education and career choice, then am I expected to go through the same process again when choosing a husband? The answer is a resounding yes. The candidate has to go through screening by everyone else whether he makes the mark as a good provider. Once again, what I think and feel will be totally put aside. But then again, the majority always have a point, don't they?

Equality In The Asian Society

This is the sequel to Jo's post.

Random Boy: So what did you major in university?
Me: Oh, I studied Law. (w/ a straight face in anticipation of a response I am oh-so-familiar with)
Random Boy: (O.O") Oh a lawyer, I better not offend you. If not you sue me. Hahaha...
Me: *smiles politely with muka paling pei-si di dunia*
Inner Me: Haha very funny, LIKE that is so cliched. I'd suggest you come up with something more creative before I decide that the remainder of the conversation would be just as banal as you are. Oh btw, just so you know, it's not even worth the effort and time waiting for a court order to sue you.

The Great Statistics

6% : pauses in shock/breaks out into sweat/withers away at revelation, and mumbles "Excuse me, I feel the sudden need to go to the washroom" or some equally lame excuse.

39% : are polite but mentally decides not to pursue anything beyond friendship. At least, if they happen to get in trouble with the law maybe I'll be willing to handle their case for free / give them a special discount (because we're friends!!!). Hey smartass, why would I want to associate myself with someone who purposely gets in trouble with the Law and thinks my service is not worth the remuneration?!

32% : not knocked off their feet because they are studying something equivalent or higher but decides not to pursue anything beyond friendship because it falls into the category of competition.

12% : "So which uni did you go to? What's your uni rank? What class did you graduate with? Which bar school? Which firm are you attached to?" Questions with intention to find a weakness to tackle me down, and feel great about it. I realize that these are usually the jerks who have insecurity issues.

8% : too innocent (or just ignorant/desperate?) to be bothered by status issues. These could be the nice boys who don't judge and put you into categories.

3% : "Wow, I'm impressed. You must be really smart to be able to study Law. So if there's something troubling me, may I seek an opinion from you?" (At least a handful of guys managed to phrase it well. Most are highly trained professionals. A Law Degree to them is considered normal. Men who are grounded and confident with who they are and appreciate the strengths of other people despite their gender are SEX-aY. And RARE. It's classier when you don't demand a favour on our first meeting, red-neck.)

The one statement left on my FB wall that came quite close in offense was by Chichi Biantoro saying the following:

"well wai kuan you havvee to lower your standards la. the very swanky way you carry yourself might ward off malaysian boizz."

(P/S: Chichi, I wasn't offended by you. But the fact that most guys I've met DO have that perception. And I get offended when they avoid me as if I was the plague after the discovery of what I studied. Studied Law = Loaded = Smart = Argumentative = Will sue you if you offend me = Demanding = High Maintenance = Prada Handbags)

The 3% I previously mentioned are Singaporeans, Hongkies and angmohs. (Wait, a few of them have bimbo girlfriends...)

Like what godlike standards have I ever verbally imposed on a boy? As far as I can remember, something along the lines of good personality, charismatic, intelligent, fun and career driven individual who cares for the people around him. (Oh sorry, that WAS godlike?) I don't ever remember saying that he MUST have a 6-digit salary, a big house/car, buys me high end jewelry and flowers every Sunday. But if I do unconsciously let out that kinda aura, sorry-lah you have been misled. Partially your fault for being so gullible / high on drugs also.

The most common thing I've heard from men is "You should marry someone better" or "You're too good for me". If that was a compliment, thanks but no thanks. (Understatement: I am unable to give you anything because I presume that your expectations are high and you will make me look like a failure in front of your girlfriends if I don't meet them). I don't need you to determine who the bleep I am to marry or simply conjure fantasies of my personal needs.

I don't believe myself superior than anyone. I have my mood swings, am somewhat careless, always late, cuss when I'm angry, shower too long and couple of zits on a bad day. I'm only human like everyone else, and saying stuff like that is equivalent to saying I don't deserved to be loved with a twisted, bizzare logic. (As opposed to I hate you, you stinking, rotten, lying jerk.) Stripped of every superficial thing I own, I am but a normal girl, who has emotions and who wants to love and be loved by a boy.

Well okay, I do fangirl a lot over handsome men and all and have in the past place overemphasis on this characteristic on my potential boyfriends (who doesn't? Even guys fanboy over hot babes and wish to get in their pants.) In the course of life, I have fallen in love with average looking guys who shine from the inside and most recently, a guy who was totally at the other end of the world from myself. One of the few main reasons it didn't work out eventually? The same reasons we've been discussing in this post.

Honestly, I don't know how else to accommodate someone else's insecurity beyond being accepting, understanding and never complaining. (Maybe the less I complained, the more guilty they felt?) Nor do I feel that I would want to bend all the way backwards to minimize my personal potential on purpose just so that someone can feel better about himself. I refuse to be with a man who conditions me to become someone else (weaker) in order for him to be able to love me successfully.

It's the 21st century, ok? What's with the inferiority complex and all. With the rotting economy and all, you're a lucky bastard if the woman you married attracts wealth. Can you be proud and appreciate her for her fine qualities and talents instead of being jealous? Or do you just fear someone who can be your equal or better?

The next question in mind; what to do about this situation?

To superimpose that girls should be able to burp, cuss and pick their noses in front of guys because that's who they truly are is realistically, not advisable. In general practice from the beginning of time, girls tend to act more feminine, gentle and feeble in order to attract boys. Boys raise your hands if you love damsel in distress. It gives you a chance to be a hero.

As far as my close friends / chikopeers know, I'm competent and talented in most things I do, but I feign ignorance/helplessness on occasion because it is PROPER and it reaps great benefits (and a couple of boyfriends along the way). At the same time, you allow someone else to feel great about themselves. Call it manipulative or whatever, there's always two sides to a coin. I've lived long enough to know that as a girl in M'sia, if you act superior beyond your place, it will only attract disaster in the long run.

Feminist will definitely disagree with me.

The Relation between SIA and Law

One American airline company was very impressed with SIA stewardess and wanted to find out how SIA selected their Singapore Girls. So one fine day, they sent one of their management guy to attend a SIA interview session. The secret of SIA success finally transpired during the interview....

Interviewer : What were you doing before applying for this sacred job?

Interviewee : Study lor....

When the person came out from the interview room he was so impressed for he had never expected that all SIA girls had actually studied 'LAW' before becoming an air-stewardess.

---

Interviewer : What were you doing before applying for this sacred job?

Me : Study Law.... As in really... Law. ;P

Singapore Airlines

Requirements:

• Singapore or Malaysian citizenship (Check)
  
• Females who are at least 1.58m; Males who are at least 1.65m in height (Check)
• Degree/ Diploma (Check)
  OR
• At least 2 GCE ‘A’-level credits and 2 ‘AO’-level credits including General Paper in the GCE ‘A’-level examination (Check, but who needs to look at this when I have my degree?)
  OR
• At least 5 GCE ‘O’-level credits including English and working experience (Check)
• For Malaysian qualifications at SPM level, at least 5 credits including a minimum grade of B4 in English and working experience is required (Double Check)
• Completed, are exempted from, or are not liable for National Service. Those in the process of completing NS may also apply. (Check)

Preference will be given to candidates who are able to speak foreign languages or are experienced in customer service. (I'm highly proficient in English, Malay and Cantonese, plus I'm at intermediate stage in Mandarin and Japanese. I have experience dealing with customers during my conveyancing days.)

Training

Our comprehensive training program will cover topics such as:

• Product Knowledge including Food & Beverage (I love food)
  
• Service Procedures
  
• Passenger Handling (I have life long experience of handling difficult people)
  
• Deportment & Grooming (I like making myself look pretty, influenced by Jo)
  
• Language & Communication Skills (Linguistic talent was my strongest point in high school)
  
• Safety Equipment Procedures (I am paranoid enough to ensure safety)
  
• First Aid (I joined the Red Cross Society during high school)
  

On successful completion of training you will commence flying duties.

Remuneration & Service Benefits

A monthly allowance will be provided during training. Upon graduation, you can look forward to a basic salary and various allowances amounting to about SGD3,500 (equivalent of RM8,444.36) a month. In addition, there will be an annual wage supplement of one month’s basic salary and profit-sharing bonus (Bonus I found out is 6 months wages). You will also be entitled to free travel to any SIA destination once a year and enjoy discounted travel at other times.

Wish me luck on the next SIA interview.

---

Like why the sudden madness of change in career?

1. I admit that I do not have a chance of career advancement in Law, nor do I intend to. I'm sick of living a life based on everyone else's beliefs. Why do I have to bear the burden of expectations just because they don't have the guts (or brains) to do it themselves? My life is precious. Go live your own life without screwing with everyone else's just because yours suck.

2. Okay, even if I do advance, which is maybe the next 2-3 years and reach seniority status at 10 years, I would have been doing something I don't like and get paid a mediocre salary. Might as well do what I like and get mediocre salary.

3. My dream job is to exhibit myself to the world. Not just face a monitor 8+ hours a day. I like running around the place. Not having my ass stuck to a chair and let it grow 1 inch/month.

4. I'm really, really bored out of my mind.

5. Living at home is a bitch. Seriously. To the point I'd rather go flying all over the world.

6. Having financial independence means your parents don't have any reason to blackmail you to doing what they want anymore because you have to depend on them.

7. Like free travel + photography (which I love) to places I've never been before. I could free lance as a travel writer and earn extra income too.

Geek Post

Being the enthusiastic geek I was, I went camera accessory scouting at Kinta City last week. As fate would have it, the Nikon SB-800 AF Speedlight was out of production throughout the entire Malaysia... *echoes of banshee wailing*

What was IN at the moment was the 'bigger, better and a-heck-lot-pricier' Nikon SB-900 AF Speedlight. Cost? RM1,799-00, after pleading for discount with teary manga eyes for 7 minutes. I refuse. One, it's selling cheaper online. Two, considering the fact that I have set my mind to get another 2 or 3 lenses along with it; namely the 50mm (for portrait shots), 30-70mm (for long range), some other lenses in between, the fisheye lense I oh-so-covet or the I can only $%^&% wish 18-200mm (which cost even more expensive than a camera body). Estimation of damage: 10k++.

The only reason I would want to buy it at a camera shop is because should anything happen to my gadgets I could physically go there and kick up a fuss for faster service.

SB-800 vs. SB-900, the difference in size and weight means more burden to my already weak hands. As if my DSLR isn't heavy enough...

---

The next thing on the Geek's list of interests are the lightweight 8.9-10.1 inch laptops, called netbooks which are priced cheaper (and prettier) than what they used to be 2-3 years ago. Range of the more famous choices include Acer, Dell, HP, Toshiba, Asus, Samsung and Sony. The common specs; 1.6-GHz Intel processor, 1GB of RAM, between 80-160GB memory, 1.3 MP built-in camera, 2-3hrs battery life (8-9hrs on standby) and Windows XP. (Holy crap, I actually remembered all the specs the sales person told me!)

Price range; RM1,500-1,800. No wonder I see people bringing them everywhere, even in the rural areas of town. I feel so jakun, thinking that the amount of rich people have increased in Ipoh. I am so tempted to get one just for the fact that it is ridiculously priced like a high end handphone.

Like what could be more wicked than this?
Samsung NC10

More wickedness.

Even in Valentine's edition Pink. O.O

The mother of all evils, the temptation of the Sony VAIOs.

My sensibility eventually got the better of me considering the fact that my existing laptop is still in working order and does everything I want it to do, plus I just had its hardwares replaced under warranty.

I decided that I will get one within the next 2 years when the specs would have been more powerful and the price even lower. Evil me.

---

Here I was wondering after the release of the Intous 3 in 2004, followed by a long hiatus, it came to me a lame joke that Wacom's comeback was in the form of silly little Bamboos. I take that back.

March 2009; The Intous 4 is madness.

Like madness...

I honestly want to kiss the genius who designed this.

Days of the Chico Guild [Part II]

Chiko-ing @ Malat's

---

I am sleepy and hungry, and very distracted.

Work is piling. Crap.

My feet and back are still aching.

The temple next to my office is having their usual mega scale incense burning. I feel like Alice being smoked out the White Rabbit's cottage (but I'm stuck).

Wants to find someone I can openly disturbz.

---

I Coveth

Nikon SB-800 AF Speedlight

I want it so badly that I wanna go get it this Friday. My tech spies tell me that the price ranges between RM1,300-1,390. Not only that, I want to sample the 50mm and 18-70mm lenses performance on my D40x because I oh so intend to expand my range of lenses. My dream 18-200mm lenses (@RM3299) shall be left for the indulgences during my slumber. When I become pro and save enough monies, I'm investing into my second mistress *cough D3x* DSLR.

What do you wanna bet that I'll marry a tech geek in the near future?

.
.
.

NOT.

I'm marrying him instead (or the equivalent). XD

Choi Siwon from SuJu. Latest addition to my harem, as of yesternight.

Anak Emasku

My dearest Joanna Olivia Khoo May Chin,

In reply to Kuan!

It's been like nearly 5 years since I proclaimed you as my anak emas. (Like 2009-2004=5) That's like half a decade. We literally watched each others transition from emo teenager to adulthood, and went through a load of life's typical ups and downs and yet to survive the incoming ones.

My daughter, aged 21.

Despite you having a evergrowing social network, I'm very honoured (and a bit uppish) that you've always maintained me in the top 0.5% of the hierarchy. I could say the same for you. And for all the times I'd ever mistreated you, it wasn't me. It was my hormones working.

Post uni, it seems that we're growing apart into our own lives. I'm north, you're south. Sometimes I feel shitty that I couldn't be physically there for you like I always did. I'm desperately waiting for stupid Ipoh to reopen its airport. If it does, I'll pay for your air ticket to fly over and back. So no reason for not being able to come Ipoh.

I miss you heaps. You CAN tell.

I want to come to your room and wallow through all your endless junk like old times. You, who would allow me the liberty to bitch about all my problems until I fall asleep on your bed and still love / accept me anyways. x

It's consoling to know that even spending hours at the office glued to the chair my bum is still in acceptable form.

It is our honour that you are willing to support my sister's dream. You're welcome to participate our sampling of food.

I'm certain I'll own my mini palace when money permits. That's why I have to work my ass off. Things don't fall out from the sky, rain and rocks maybe. Since the economy is failing, we should cease relying heavily on the idea of marrying rich and secure our own turfs first.

At the moment, home is the best because food is freely served, clothes are fresh and pressed and my bed is made up. Saves a hell load of money. The only remuneration is to grow immunity against ma's nagging. It's a fair price to pay.

Come around Ipoh to ask my parents permission to wed their daughter and prepare an official proposal (incl. dinner, flowers, ring). I always dreamt of a 5 carat *hint hint*, but since it's you, you yourself are worth >16 carat already. So I won't refuse either way. ;)

I ruve u too.


xoxoxox

Am So Preoccupied

Hallelujah I found the document that was missing for 3 days. Huahahahaha...

I wished there was an extra 12 hours everyday. So that I can procrastinate even more and suffer less of the outcome. Haha. I feel so shocked that it is Friday again.

This is Good Friday. Truly it is good. Recently I'm rebuilding my relationship with God, and seemingly strengthening my character and faith as a Christian. I woke up this morning feeling very happy because God has been faithful and my only comfort throughout the trials and tribulations for the past year. Went to Cornerstone Church for Maudy Thursday yesterday night. We passed CGMC on the way back and I thought of Malat. It is reinforced that family is the most important thing and is irreplaceable by anything else (as diperkatakan oleh lelaki yang paling kolot di dunia, a.k.a. the one I miss most right now).

I'm glad because God took a step before me to open paths for my sister. I was rather ready to knock sense into her ala cara ganas about being more serious about her own life and stop blaming our parents and the current situation (Hello, we don't even have a situation), because logically it's basically up to her to take action and not just killing pigs in Maple every night while waiting for a miracle to fall out of the sky. The miracle did fall out of the sky though. But as a sister, I am glad that FINALLY my sister has got her life back on track and I believe there is more greatness to come.

Things I'd wish to do when my next pay cheque comes:-

1. Save my hair because it has evolved to become a formless monster. It is so long now that I am able to immitate Ju On and crawl out of anyone's webcam on MSN to strangle them. Will probably rebond it and trim it. We can get high quality RM250 Rebond and Cut in Ipoh as compared to RM680 in KL (but in this world, I can only trust Florence of A Cut Above to cut my precious locks). But I'm learning to cut down on my expenditure, so rebond Ipoh it is by end of this month.

2. Laser resurface the skin of my face. I know, sounds ****ing scary. Haha. RM300. That's Ipoh price as compared to RM600+ in KL. Of course, I had to make sure it's being done by a reputable doctor before even dreaming of attempting.

3. Whiten my teeth. (Price To Be Researched) I got inspired by people who look like they're from a Darlie commercial. Like pearly teeth is so attractive...
[Edit] The price is between RM750(home kit)-RM1500 (in-house whitening). Will temporarily settle with my existing Pearl Drops teeth polish.

Photography Mania

Lesleyyyyyy... teman me join photography workshop. Please please pretty please? >3< Becoz you're my rakan setia Nikon who is fun enough to be with. (LOL)

http://www.nikonian.com.my/

I haven't decided what workshop to join la but it'll definitely must be something within our budget (RM200-300) where we can go cool places, meet cool people of the industry and learn to take cool pictures.

Dunno why larh. The older I get the more self conscious and insecure I become. Like, I can't believe this is the same girl who had gone through muiltiple solo school transfers to unfamiliar terrain and braved the streets on London and Paris alone... is now afraid of entering a room of unfamiliar faces for a few hours.

The feeling that I'm feeling now is that, I'm scared of even venturing out of Ipoh to another state. I'm serious. I'm even losing energy of going to Milan, and thinking of just going somewhere nearer for shorter periods of time. Plus the whole new environment thing might be too overwhelming for me at the moment. I'm considering Melbourne because at least there's people I know there and it's easily adaptable.

I feel emotionally vunerable at the moment. I know this will eventually pass, but right now I cannot find any strength or motivation to push ahead.

I Am So Tired Of You

And when I'm tired, I cry.

I have to make a decision to stop thinking of you. Every nerve in my body feels tormented.

---

Robert Kiyosaki (the writer of the Rich Dad, Poor Dad series) is coming to Malaysia and Singapore end of May. The tickets to his seminars cost from 3k to 7k, 9k if you're aiming for the VIP seats. I seriously wish to go... yes, even to the point of actually considering forking out that amount of money.

Or I can put my stakes on winning 4 tickets worth RM 6,998 each through this->

"Who is the author of 'Rich Dad, Poor Dad'?

Send to answer to 32733 (each SMS cost RM1.00)
MWW APRK

Anyone who happens to win this and has extra tickets to fulfill a girl's dream, I'll forever be grateful. XD

---

Thanks to my sister, I got up for work 1/2 an hour earlier. It's the season to hibernate, to sleep without interruption. I don't even feel like eating. Just let me escape reality for 12 hours to recuperate. (Yes, it's that time of the month again.)

Maybe my mood would have been a bit better if I was woken up with a morning kiss from Jung Min. (wahahahahah)

Migraine

Shoot. I cannot think straight and I'm lost at handling stuff already. Wants to like faint on my files and take a 10 minute nap and hopefully revive.

Emo-ing today. Reasons include:-
1. I watched the last episode of Boys Over Flowers. Happy ending was sealed with an eight carat. (I knew it.)
2. I cannot get things figured out again. I feel like I want to vent out but then my brain tells me it's a silly reason to emo over.
3. I'm taking my life for granted and harping on the one thing that bothers me every waking hour of my life(which I later overcame by writing a 'things to be grateful for' list)
4. On top of that, I have two files with major work to rush today.. One is done. One is expecting OT a lil bit more.